Keep Calm and Blog On

Hello Readers

After a lengthy time away from blogging I am back.

Where do I even begin on why I haven’t blogged in over a year.

My last post was in December 2014, and little did I know what 2015 had in store for me.

I suffered the untimely death of another brother, the second in two years. We underwent renovations at home. My job was highly stressful and then the WHOPPER was the recurrence of my depression. It was a long, hard year and I decided to fade into the back and look after myself and put my blogging aside until I was well and mentally stronger.

So here I am. Big girl panties on and back to being a medicated mom. I am still muddling through this journey of motherhood finding it never gets easy… only different.

Looking forward to being more present and supportive.

 

 

The Layover – Mini Me’s Trip to Greece Continues

Part 2

Toronto Pearson International Airport
The Layover 2pm – 5:00pm 7:30pm

So far we have had an hour flight from Ottawa to Toronto where we planned to spend (and spent) around 2 hours in the Premium Plaza Lounge. It was a great opportunity to feed, water, confine and entertain Mini Me.  (Refer end of Part One)

Afterward we headed for the boarding gate and were greeted with a sign that no one wants to see.

THE ACTUAL LOOK I GAVE!

Would have been nice to have known earlier ….

Like BEFORE leaving the lounge.

So there we all are, looking up at the flight status board.

And. The gate number changes.   (Proceeded by what looks to be an exodus of biblical proportions taking place to the next gate.)

We literally moved from one side of the terminal to the other and waited, after all it was only a half an hour delay. (At this stage)

Half an hour later and we were informed of  another delay and gate change, and another great trek across the airport. We decided to stay in one place after that, at least until the boarding sign was displayed, just as well as there was an additional 2 hours wait with 2 gate changes. (Charming)

Luckily we had the following things handy to keep Mini Me happy during what felt like eternity.

1. Paint with water

2. Stickers

3. Ball

We weren’t the only ones travelling with a toddler and the ball kept all the kids busy and playing together while we waited.  In my perfect plan of how this trip was going to go, we should have been eating dinner on the plane by now not playing ball at the boarding gate.  I offered Mini Me snacks and bought her a small meal to keep her away from the melt down zone but, in true toddler style, she pulled her nose up at everything. I decided now was not the time for a battle as we were running on no nap. I let it be. And she ran wild with the other over tired tots.

Finally and I mean F-I-N-A-L-L-Y at 7:30 we had the call to begin boarding.

The angels sang and we all sighed a sigh of relief.

Our family had survived layover that went from 3 hours to 5 and a half.

I survive it going less than perfect.

Mini Me survive going with out a nap

And my dear husband survived being spoken to in Greek and being hit on by the old Greek ladies (clearly they mistook him for Hercules).

 

This all in the name of international travel.

Stay tuned for more of our adventures.

Parenting my toddler or How I am still sane is beyond me!

Parenting a toddler can be mentally exhausting.
You have to be 20 steps ahead of them, cause those little feet catch up and on pretty darn quickly.

I know it’s a wonderful time for them – learning new things, testing boundaries (aka pushing mommy’s buttons)

I KNOW you know what I mean!

You approach new ideas, foods, outings and anything out of their comfort zone with false confidence all while sweating more than a thief about to get caught, your heart beating faster than the day you lost your virginity.

Most situations are tackled with the precision and fineness of the bomb squad and other times you are totally up in their face ghetto like:
“AH HELL NO, YOU AIN’T TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT GIRLFRIEND!”

Some days it feels like you are trying to get the cool kid at school to like you with the same fear of being rejected, shot down or laughed at.

One minute they are flying high on life and yogurt, the next they are throwing it back at you (literally) and melting down because you fed the cat, after you asked them if they wanted to feed the damn cat and they said no, so you fed the cat and it was still the wrong thing. (True story – 6:20am this morning). Lord help me when my days start like that.

Pass me the wine.

Yes, Sometimes I Lose my Shit!

Firstly apologizes to my biggest supporter and fan for the title.

Bear with me on this one mom.

I am a huge supporter of gentle parenting, and I try the calm approach to situations as much as possible. But then there are times where I lose my shit. I am talking off the wall mad woman, screaming like a banshee lose it!

You can only have your food thrown back at you and be told NO so many times before you become “that type of mom”.
The one that has been pushed just a little to far.
The one in the store shouting at her child to “COME HERE NOW”.
The one that has taken to threaten her child within the inch of their life to get things done.
The one we all don’t want to be.
But the one we sometimes end up being cause after all we are only human.

Yes I know – Shocker I said the “H” Word. Cause moms are supposed to rise above ANYTHING!

I suppose it’s because we think we should have a handle on this by now. But we don’t, and we never will cause these little people and the roles we play in their lives are evolving and changing EVERY-SINGLE-DAY.

Even on our trip we had our moments (albeit only one or two) where I could have clawed my husbands beating heart from his chest with my bare hands and dropped Mini Me into the ocean, all while cackling like a mad woman. Yes. I would say I had my moment(s).

Next time you look at me, or any mom out there thinking she has it all figured out, try to remember she doesn’t.

She is tired, over worked, under appreciated and going through her own struggles.

She has a toddler turning down her home-made meals, a baby that is not sleeping, a husband that is driving her close to making love to a bottle of scotch and a laundry pile away from losing her own shit!

Its okay.
It’s okay to be human.
It’s okay to admit you cant do it all.
It’s okay to not do it all and be all you can be.
I mean come on this is not the Army.

We don’t receive badges for getting our kid to finish a meal or attend ceremonies decorating us for bravery after we faced the grocery store alone with a toddler. You do not get debriefed after every traumatic encounter with your spouse or kid and there are no survival courses on how to get through this journey without screwing up.

So lose your shit once in a while.
And thats OKAY
Cause as I am learning and trying to remind myself

Spagetti For Breakfast

When Asked what she wanted for breakfast last Friday, Miss S declared, Pagetti.

And so Pagetti she got.

Yes as I have mentioned before in Let them eat cake, life is to precious to sweat the small things like meal time battles. Anyway her amazing mom (aka ME) is a huge advocate in spagetti for breakfast.

It was a great moment to share pagetti for breakfast with my mini me.

Yes I am “that kind of mom”. I give in. I pick my battles, and I am trying day to day to not sweat the small stuff and enjoy every moment and heartbeat I am blessed with.

Update: PS – Spagetti was leftovers and not made from scratch – NO WAY I AM THAT COOL or ACCOMODATING 🙂

Let them eat cake!

I am the mom guilty of allowing cupcakes for breakfast and cookies before bed.

Life is there to LIVE and enjoy and yes to have cake for breakfast.
Why not, as one mum pointed out to me not too long ago, cupcakes have eggs, milk and flour in – PERFECT breakfast ingredients

Having a two-year old is like seeing life and the world through brand new innocent eyes.

Yesterday there was no cake for breakfast…but there was brownies for dinner.

You know you have a toddler when…….

Our morning routine is pretty much the same, which includes a 5 minute drive to daycare which MUST, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, include playing “Little Einsteins” on the vehicles DVD player.

Yes I know a 5 minute trip that must include the dvd being on. That’s pretty sad. But not as sad as a drive all the way to work with it still playing in the background and singing along!

People around proberbly think I am listening to some HARD CORE ROCK when its actually – “PAT PAT PAT – BUT WE NEED MORE POWER!” Said with real mom gusto. (Of Course)

Meanwhile…..back at home dad is at home getting ready for work, forgetting to change the channel to sportsnet after we leave and is watching “Guess with Jess” *SIGH*

Yes! We have arrived as parents and clearly are embracing it!

Preparing to Travel

We have under 3 months to go until we embark on one of the bravest things I have done with my toddler.
An international trip to Greece.
I am not sure if I am stupid or incredibly brave.
It’s a 9h 50 min trip that might require sedation! (Or at least an alcoholic beverage for mom and dad)

Toddlers on flights have been getting bad press lately

Some airlines want to do kid free zones
Some kick toddlers off because of tantrums
And then there was the toddler that got slapped by a complete stranger
Obviously these are extreme cases, but it plays on my mind!
Seriously I don’t want to be one of those moms making the evening news.

If you have read any of my blog, or know me personally, I did a piece about Miss “S” freaking out at a birthday party last September Bad Guest or Good Mom . We also had the same turn of events when we went to visit my husband’s Grandmother in Montreal at Christmas time. So you can kind of understand why I am slight VERY nervous.

Like one friend said “Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best”.
I still have 2 months, 2 weeks to go…….But who’s counting.

 

Change is in the air

I am beginning to wonder if it has something to do with the seasons changing, the recent time change or maybe the new moon coming up.
Good Lord there has to be a reasonable explanation.

Its like the toddler gods can’t bear to see us without a struggle, hurdle and obstacle. Everything seems to be a drama and a flood of fake tears and whining this past week.

One minute you think you have it “all together”.
And the next thing BAM !
You go from hero to zero.

She wont pee on the toilet. (Update – Since drafting this she has thanks to her Grandma..aka BA! ) Meal times are back to being battle grounds – ask me what she wanted for dinner last night (and got) CAKE. Bath times are being met with protest. Night waking have been more often than not and so is the word NO accompanied by a loud stamp of the left foot hitting the ground.

Of course all of this can be extremely irritating, especially after a long day at work. And you start thinking (And that is the dangerous part)
“If she ate more at dinner, she wouldn’t be asking for more milk at bedtime (or any other time during the night)”
“If she didn’t have so much milk maybe her diaper wont be as wet and you wouldn’t be forced to change it somewhere between (seriously are you awake again) and (go the hell back to sleep).”

It’s so easy to over analyse and read into. And sometimes you just have to breathe. Steady yourself and roll with the punches. But I also know there is only so many punches a mom can take before she is waving the white flag.

Yes I can hear a collective “This to shall pass” coming!
And I know it will. And I know as hard as it is on me, it must be even harder on her.

SIGH….cease fire toddler gods….cease fire!

Inner Ninja

Fridays I usually do a flash back of how far we have come.
This Friday is no exception, except we are only going back a week.

We have basically been in survival mode this past weekend and week.
“S” has been sick and we have been doing what ever we have had to just get through it.

We have battled fevers, baths, meals, and each other.
Sleep was rare, patience was thin and tears were many.

I have blown my grocery budget on take out and my child has lived on popsicle, fries and wonton soup for nearly 5 days.
(Cause it’s the only thing she would take.)

Two doctors appointments later and some antibiotics and finally the light at the end of the tunnel was not an on coming train.
(Although by Tuesday I would have gladly tied myself to the train tracks, cause surely it was easier than this!)

Nothing like your kid being sick to pull you apart emotionally and physically.
But what I did find through this all was my Inner ninja. 🙂

Hey yo, I’ve been high and I’ve been real low
I’ve been beaten and broken but I healed though
So many ups and downs, roughed up & clowned
We all got problems, but we deal though
I’m tryin’ to do better now, find my inner peace
Learn my art form, and find my energy
When my backs on the wall, I don’t freeze up
Nah, I find my inner strength and I re-up
Here we go, I know I’ve never been the smartest or wisest
But I realize what it takes
Never dwell in the dark cause the sun always rises
But gotta make it to the next day
It’s a feeling that you get in your lungs when you run
Like you’re runnin’ outta air and your breath won’t come
And you (uh) wheezin’, gotta keep it movin’
Find that extra (uhn) and push your way through it

Nobody’s gonna see me comin’
Nobody’s gonna hear a sound
No matter how hard they tryin’
No stoppin’ me since I’ve found
My inner ninja